Saturday, 2 May 2009

Life is Like A Box of Chocolates

To quote Forrest Gump "Life's a Box of Chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get".

When a friend dropped me off at Istanbul airport, there was a guy with a whistle keeping the drop-off's moving, so that cars didn't loiter too long while they were dropping off friends and relatives.

I got out of the car, collected my bags and the "Whistleblower" was on it. Phreep - Phreep went the high pitched noise.

I stood on the pavement watching my friend trying to pull out from the kerb into the traffic.

Phreep - Phreep went the impatient whistleblower.

I stood looking, waiting for my friend to pull away. The whistleblower saw me looking - phreep, phreep as he whistled me for looking too long.  "IN" he shouted, gesticulating for me to get off the pavement and into the terminal building.

I gave him a long hard look - he didn't have a gun. Just a whistle and a uniform. Give a man a whistle and a uniform and I'll show you a meglomaniac.

If I didn't have a flight to catch, he might have had that whistle anally implanted, so he could **** and whistle at the same time.

Life's not all hard centres.

I stood at passport control and a Turkish immigration officer (with a gun) studied my passport intently. He was taking too long. Normally, they give it 30 seconds max and then a couple of hard stamps and pass it back to you. Seconds seemed like minutes as he flicked through the pages, looking at each one.

He stabbed his finger at the Turkish visa sticker in my passport.

UK citizens need to get a Turkish visa at the point of entry. This normally involves the passing of £10 sterling to a penpusher in a suit jacket and trainers, for which you get a sticker in your passport.

"Your visa", the gun touting official said. "Yes ?", I replied with a dryness in my throat.

"You don't need to get one each time - your last one is still valid",  he said, with a smile.

"Gee, thanks", I stammered, before taking my passport back and moving on.

Arseholes with whistles and human immigration officials - Turkish delight indeed.     

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